lately

i've had alot of my mind. coming to the end of transition phase will do that to you. i'm sure you're all bored of hearing about the longest transition period of all time, (how do i know that? because i'm sick of hearing about it. i'm sick of thinking about it. i'm sick of being in it!) but it's sparked some thought processes that have really changed the way i've gone about things lately. here's a few thoughts:

• i had a pleasant conversation with a patient today that kind of summed things up for me. we were chit-chatting and getting to know her a little bit (side note: there are different ways that each technician connects with patients. it's been very interesting to me to follow other technicians and see how they make the connection with patients. some like to have all the answers - talk medical jargon - and put them at ease with the health of their eye while answering questions about eye disease and surgery healing times. some like to make them feel at ease by encouraging them during the exam - "very good" and "thank yous" - very complimentary and very kind. some like to think they are doctors and explain everything to them, whether they asked for the information or not. well, this is a long side note, now isn't it. MY way to connect with patients is to be their friend. it may sound silly, but i want to know about that person. you're a student? what are you studying? how many kids do you have? where are you from? where do you work? blah blah blah. it's so interesting to learn about people. everyone has such an interesting story. you'd be suprised how much smoother an exam can go when you aren't just asking about a person's vision. and it puts me at ease a bit to feel like i'm on a somewhat common ground with the person before i start asking personal questions about their medical history and eye health. it might sound silly, but i love it.) ok, sorry, really long side note. back to my conversation with this lady. she asked if i was lds. before you knew it we were talking about how i grew up in las vegas. then went to school in provo and lived there for 10 years, and now that i'm in slc, i'm back in an enviroment a little more like las vegas. there are all different age groups and lifestyles up here that are so different and diverse compared to my easy-peasy life in provo where there were so many people my same age that shared my beliefs. and so with this patient, i had a conversation about standards and how people view you. what kind of person would my co-workers say that i am? would they know that i'm lds by the way that i act at work? do they know what my standards are by the way that i treat people? how do i speak? what does that say about me? it's an interesting thought process, and one that i'm grateful for lately. it's allowed me to re-evaluate and re-prioritize a bit. i'm able to act as an example in a different way than i've been able to these past 10 years. i'm looking forward to it actually. i think it's going to make me "raise the bar" in my own life, which i think can only be a good thing. sorry, long explanation for a simple thought.
• i hate unpacking. it might take me longer than necessary to have EVERYTHING put away, so if you come visit me and there are still boxes out, don't hate me. don't judge me. just love that i finally have a place to live. thank you.
• do you believe people can change? i do. i've had a few experiences in my life where i've seen it happen...for the good...for the bad. i've seen it happen in myself. i could go off on so many tangents on this topic, but i'm not sure where it would go and where i would end up taking it...making it dangerously inappropriate for this blog. let's just say my feelings are too involved in this topic on so many levels. if you think this specific comment is directed at you, you may be right. but most likely may be wrong....because i dont think i'm thinking about something specific. except that's a lie. i am. but it's not what you're thinking. ok, we'll focus on me for a minute. i think i've changed. i look back at 18 year old beth, 21 year old beth, 25 year old beth....and i was different. oh heavens, i was different. i was immature, naive, silly, blonde, slightly obsessive (sometimes) and very impatient. i'm not saying i'm currently ranked at a ten, but i've grown quite a bit since those years. i'm sure i'll look back in another 10 years and say "oh 28 year old beth, if you could have only seen how good you have it now, you would not worry like you do. just relax a bit, and know that even though this may not be how you pictured it in your mind, 38 year old beth is so much better off than 28 year old beth ever imagined". i can't wait to have that conversation with myself. it's going to be very gratifying. until then, i will continue to try to be more patient that 27 year old beth, try to be less chubby than 24 year old beth, try to be as dedicated at 25 year old beth, and as fun and as friendly as blonde beth. long story short, i get better with age...like a fine wine, or cheese. (except i don't drink wine, and cheese makes my stomach ache. i'm afraid those are two things that will not change over time)
• do you know where i am right now? my bed? i wish. i'm sitting in my car. typing my little heart out, while my phone charges. LAME. my phone charger ended up in my brothers backpack my accident during the big move this weekend. my brother lives in provo, therefore, my phone charger is on vacay in provo. shame shame, who takes a holiday mid week? i wish i could have missed monday like my phone charger did. soooo, i am left to my car charger. normally i would have a 20 minute drive to and from work that i could recharge that bad boy....but alas, no longer. remember how it took me SIX minutes to get to work this morning? of course, that didn't include the fence hopping, but still. six glorious minutes. i don't know how that translated to 20 more minutes in my bed this morning, but somehow it happened. something i will not be making a habit of (well, we'll see...) don't worry. i think i've been sitting out here for 30 minutes and i'm only charged to 70%. again, LAME. so all you phone users out there, don't go takin' your charger for granted. and charge your phone in your house like a normal person tonight in my phone chargers memory. dear phone charger: i hope you've enjoyed your vacation. please come home now. love, bethany...and droid.

okay, this post has become very long and alot more random than i originally anticipated. i think it would be best if i ended now. plus, i've been sitting indian style in the drivers seat for who knows how long and i can't really feel my legs anymore. i might just have to be satisfied with 70% and call it good.