sometimes i write very long posts --spilling my guts-- and then i delete them. and then i sit here and stare at an empty screen and think about how i have nothing to write. i'm trying so hard to make this blog what it was before, and then i get frustrated with myself when i can't puts any thoughts or experiences on here without thinking that i'm sharing too much.
i'm starting to realize that this blog is different now, and for good reason. i'm different now. it's been a weird road for me to realize that i'm different, and a little convincing for me to say that its a good different and not a depressing different.
i read other friends blogs-- friends with kids and husbands. mothers and wives are needed in a way that i'm just not. and thats ok, its just different. i like to read about how my friends are potty training their kids and learning to be parents. i love watching my friends in new phases of life, and sometimes i wish i was in that same phase of life. and then i remember that i really am happy with my current life.
then i read other blogs or see facebook pages of friends who are going on trips and going to parties. i get tired just looking at their pictures. how do they have so much energy? do they really like all those people in all of those pictures? are they really even friends with all those people? i get exhausted, and then i feel old. but then i remember that i really am very happy with the newest version of myself.
here's a few random facts about the newest beth that you might not know:
1. if i had my choice i would be in bed sound asleep before 10:30 every single night. maybe even on weekends.
2. i hate my current kitchen. i love to cook and would do it on a much more regular basis if i had a different kitchen.
3. i like nuts now. in fact, i eat almonds on a regular basis. ok fine, let's just say i like almonds because those are actually the only kind of nuts i like....but still, that's a big deal people.
4. i like small groups better. i remember a time where i loved having my house packed full of people wandering in and out of rooms, getting food from the fridge like it was their house, music playing and a handful of conversations i could join. don't get me wrong.... i still like a good party but i'm much more comfortable now in a smaller group.
5. number 4 might be partly because i get distracted way too easily. i thought it was bad before, but now it's really really bad. and then i forget, which basically means that things dont get done, or conversations don't get finished, and so on. it basically makes me look like i've really got my stuff together, you know, all those ducks in a row. basically, the smaller the group, the more focused i am. focus is good.
and in case you're wondering, theres some good old things that havent changed (and probably never will...)
1. i'm so disorganized. this is basically a very nice way of saying my bedroom is constantly a mess. the fact that i rarely make my bed also plays into that, but oh well.
2. i still eat ice. my mom called this week concerned about my teeth. she wants me to see our family dentist next time i'm home. (i'm actually horribly nervous about this. will blog about feelings soon)
3. i still hate the winter. i still love the summer. i'm very very happy that it is spring. the snow is melting. the sun stays out past 5 pm. just wait until the grass turns green. i'll be so happy you wont know what to do with yourselves.
i feel like i'm starting to accept that it's good to change. and it's good to be the same. i guess that's all a part of growing up?
here's to spring. and being different. the good kind of different :)