Friday, January 16, 2009

i shouldn't be telling you this...

What's wrong with this picture??
Everything. It's bones. All bones. This is going to sound strange, but I hate bones. Sometimes when I see a picture of a human skeleton, it grosses me out to think those are inside of me. Okay, before you think I'm completely off my rocker, I know I could not survive without bones. That doesn't mean I have to love them. Let's talk about my list of bone no no's.
1. there are certain bones that you never touch. EVER. (please note, i do not know the real names of these bones, so don't get all medical/anatomy on me...) Don't ever touch my shin bone, my forearm bone, my wrist bone or my COLLAR bone. If you touch them, it won't be for long before I move so you are not touching them. if you have the nerve to touch my collar bone, you are flirting with death. I usually jerk/seizure/drop to the floor to avoid this nasty contact. and then you will get a piece of my mind or look of death.
2. I almost die when people lean up against a counter or table and let that forearm bone grind up against the edge. just thinking about that sound almost makes me lose it. don't do that around me, or i will leave the room. and never come back.
3. this takes us back to #1 in a way. ya know how when there are lots of people over to watch a movie and the people sitting on the floor will lean up against the peoples legs sitting on the couch? that is not okay. i will sit indian style. i will sit on the floor. i will stand in the back of the room for the whole movie. but it's not okay for you to put your head (which is one very large bone) on my shin bone. this is called bone on bone and NOT acceptable. don't even try it.
4. when i was little, i thought it would be cool to break a bone. i have grown out of that ridiculous phase of life. if i broke a bone...i don't know what i would do. if i broke a bone and it popped out of my skin? i would just rather die. great, now i'm dryheaving at my desk.
5. this is not a funny list. this is a serious list. when people tend to find out about my fear and dislike towards bones, they think it's funny. they stand next to me and grind their teeth, or make our knuckles touch or something to see how extreme the level of bone hating really is. this is not funny. i usually roll my eyes, say a ha ha, and tell them to never touch me again. don't find yourself in this situation. it's just awkward. awkward for you. awkward for me. but never funny.
the only thing worse than the first picture is this. animal bones. this is just a bad combo all around.


Andrea said...

i realize you said that this is not funny and i would never intentionally do something to gross you out but holy crap that made me laugh. . . and although i also have never broken a bone in my body i have had to wear a cast twice and let me just say, it is not fun. (my comments are too long. i apologize)

Whitney said...

I don't know why the bone hating is so funny, but it is. However, I have come to respect the bone hating. Don't mess with the bone hating. It's not funny. Bone hating is very, very serious.

When it comes to animal bones, I'm surprised you didn't put a monkey skeleton on here.

Bone on Bone.

Snap you like a chicken bone.


Kayce said...

Have you seen my bone shirt? Go look at my last profile pic on facebook. Not only are the bones AND their names on the front, they are both on the back as well. Don't worry this is just one shirt in a series of shirts that includes the muscles, the organs, and the digestive system!!!!

And for old times sake sing a long!!! (You know the tune)

"And aaall Saaaaaints, who remember to keeeeeep, and do these sayings walking in obedieeeeence, to the commaaaaandments shall receive heaaaaalth in there navel and marrow in their BHHHHHOOOOOONNNNNNES."

Bethany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bethany said...

kayce...i had forgotten that song!! hey edgar, your skins hangin off your bones.
andrea...i love your long comments.
and whit---the last thing i would ever look for on google images are MONKEY BONES. sick.and.wrong.

Melissa said...

thank you for making me laugh till i cried.
but seriously.
reading through that list just brought up several memories of bone grinding experiences.
i apologize for all of them.
would i take them back?
not for a second.