brain wash

i turned down spending time with a boy tonight because "i needed to be by myself and think through some stuff". after claiming to have a bad day (which, let's be honest...i've had better...and worse, but that's beside the point) i really did just want to come home and wear sweat pants and eat ice cream...and continue to stew about the stuff that was bugging me. i know that i'll sleep it off and in the morning, things will be better. until then, i'll tickle your fancy with a few things i've learned about....well, things (ok, me):

1. i'm a people pleaser. i want other people to be happy, even if it means at my expense. its something i'm working to communicate better-- with coworkers, family and friends. believe it or not, i do have boundaries, and they can be pushed, or crossed (and that's when i flip out)

2. i spend alot of time accommodating other people. for the most part, i really enjoy it. i like seeing other people happy and stuff. sometimes i could care less. sometimes i experience a guilt because i'm the one who's most able to accommodate, and i just don't want to.

3. i like the chase. like i used to think it would be nice to have someone who's obsessed with me... but i'm learning that as much as it might seem like a game, i like the chase. about 5 years ago, my dad told me i needed to be more "mysterious" in my dating. i hated that advice, and now i'm realizing i hated it because i didn't understand it (funny how that works, right?). don't get me wrong, i need to be pursued...but there needs to be a little bit of mystery. the intrigue that makes you want to see them again, and vice versa. too much too fast takes the fun out of everything.

4. why is it the boys i dont want to date or cant date are obsessed with me and the boys i can and want to date...well, aren't. i've never been good at test taking, and this test is no different. at this point, i'd rather be sitting in the testing center with a number 2 pencil and a scantron. this real life stuff is the pits.

5. i will forever love the rain. it's soothing. it smells so fresh. everything seems clean. and then add thunder and lightning to the mix, and i'm a happy girl. i could open every window in the house and sit on the porch and sit out a whole storm. even though i stay where it's dry, i still feel that release-- let it go-- feeling, which is sometimes just what i need. thank goodness for rain.