guess what. i went to the gym today. even better, i didn't feel completely out of place. it's different than going to gyms in provo where girls show up with make up on and boys go there to find their date for saturday night. the person on the treadmill next to me was a grandpa. yes, he was running while i was walking (very fast paced, mind you) and i was ok with that. it feels good to be back in the saddle.
i've been thinking alot over the past week. i've seemed to be in a bit of a funk lately. i'm afraid it's because i'm a people pleaser. i'm afraid it's because i've been putting other peoples well being before my own. i afraid it's because i was more worried about everyone else being happy, and not me being happy. some people are really good at living that way. it's very selfless and very Christlike when done in the correct way. i'm afraid i was a little off balance....leaving me pretty darn lonely and just plain down in the dumps at times. i was allowing things and people determine my worth. duh. i know better.
so guess what. cast off the shackles of yesterday. (thank you mary poppins) june is my month. i'm focussing on me. beth will be a happy camper, and not because i'm planning on being totally self absorbed, but because i am going to be aware of my feelings. my worth. and then i will find that balance.
i'll work out. every day.
i'll study for my exam.
i'll spend time with people i love.
i won't waste time watching stupid tv.
i'll be outside as much as possible.
and gosh dang it, i'll get a pedicure.
oh yeah, and i'll get my eyes lasered.