google

a couple of weeks ago, cindy and i were looking for something on google. somehow we ended up google searching eachother and then looking under images. i hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. i don't know why it was so funny, but we enjoyed playing "this is you" for at least 20 minutes.

this one time about 7 years ago this guy i'd had a crush on for a long time asked me out on  a date. holy cow, i was on cloud nine. because of a few silly scheduling conflicts, we never ended up going out. sometimes i still think about this kid. he's probably married with 18 kids by now...but sometimes i google him. ok, i know that sounds creepy....but guess what--he's no where to be found. (which is probably what you want when you're going to med school and applying to different programs, right? the last thing you want is for them to find weird pictures or videos of you on the internet...). i think i've secretly accepted it as a challenge. eventually he has to finish med school and start practicing, right? and then maybe i'll be having stomach pain or hurt my knee or need reconstructive surgery or a hip replacement (i obviously have no clue what kind of medicine he wanted to practice) and then maybe on accident schedule an appointment.

ok, so this is not serious at all. except the "google"ing. that really happened.

(do you think it would be flattering to find out someone was "google"ing you? or just really creepy? ok, maybe don't answer that...)

it's about to get personal...

...i hope thats ok.

yesterday i flipped through my blog posts this past year. it didn't take long, which is when i realized i really didn't blog very much in 2012. there aren't many posts, and every post seemed like a desperate effort to "catch up".  most of the posts seemed pretty formal--hard to believe i was writing about my life for close friends and family to read.

of course i started thinking. it was on my mind most of the day, so when we had a little cousin chat last night and andrew asked what was on my mind...i accidently shared all of my thoughts. luckily, andrew and cindy are smart cousins and listened...and then gave great counsel.

i've always considered myself a pretty open book. i love for my friends and family to know the ins and outs of my life. it makes me happy to have people involved. but of course, there are those things that you don't just tell any joe schmoe on the street. once upon a time i told those things to someone. it was hard. i was vulnerable. it was scary. and then he left.

this isn't a pity party or a sob story by any means. without trying, i think i found myself shutting down. ultimately i was embarassed that i had shared things so personal with someone and then didn't see the fruits from what i thought was a big accomplishment. i had learned my lesson, and the last thing i was going to do was to share anything personal again. heaven forbid.

so there you have it. if you've asked me in the past year how things are going, i will most likely say "good". how's work? "i love it". roomates? "they are great". ward? "so fun". family? "same old same old"

lame, right? without even realizing it i was closing off. so last night chatting with cousins i decided i needed to change. i like sharing details of my life with people, but have just been afraid to do it. so let this be a warning to you. maybe just be more careful when you ask how i'm doing because i might actually tell you. and watch out, i might actually start sharing real details of my life on this blog.

just to jumpstart my new found courage to share my business.....

my sister is going on a mission. again, something you might know...but do you know how i feel about it? because i haven't really talked about it (except maybe being a little excited that she asked me to babysit her really nice computer while she's gone...which is so incredibly generous of her). i have so many mixed emotions. i'm so excited for her to go, but so nervous at the same time. nervous for her.
she's been a good friend. a good sister. and she's always a phonecall away. everytime i go home to visit my parents, she sleeps in my bed (even though she has her own room with her own bed just down the hallway). she always tickles my arm. she always tells me my hair looks cute. she always seems interested in my love life. she laughs at my jokes. she knows what i'm thinking when i make "that face" from the other side of the room. she tells me her secrets...and she makes me tell her mine. she keeps me young and hip. 
so when i guess i say i'm nervous for her, i'm actually nervous for me. nervous how i'm going to get through the next 18 months without her here. (ok, i know we'll both be fine....but still)

needless to say the next month and a half is going to be a little difficult for me. i tend to be a little emotional through the holidays anyways (i can't control it! happens with age, i guess) and then add in the fact that my sister is leaving, 2 of my brothers live far away, its cold, and christmas this year is going to be me, my parents and sweet matthew....
things aren't bad, they're just different. and thats ok. i might just cry about it from time to time :)

so there you have it folks. the new and improved beth who likes to be around people and share details of her life is back in action. i'm really glad i had my little cousin chat last night. i didn't plan to resolve and issue i was still trying to even understand existed. it's always nice to have people in my life who encourage, support and motivate me to be my best self. you are those people and i'm pretty lucky to have you around. so, faithful readers--(does anybody still even read this??) thank you. thanks for being my friend.

i'm out of hibernation

... i think.

i feel like things have been really busy lately, and not busy all at the same time.

• one of my headlights went out on my car and i drove it around like that for over 2 weeks. yeah, i'm that girl. lucky for you, i'm going home to las vegas for thanksgiving, so i all the sudden feel the need to have my car in tip top shape. that includes cleaning out the back seat, which hasn't actually happened yet, but it will. thanks to jiffy lube for overcharging me for one headlight.
• we only have a few things to paint in our house (coffee table, side table, kitchen table). i'm not rushed to paint any of those things. it's really nice to feel like things are getting settled. No, we haven't put any of our kitchen stuff away yet. baby steps...
• we are getting a new dishwasher and a new kitchen faucet next week. thank goodness because i think we are all sick of washing our own dishes, and sick of a nasty leaky faucet that makes our kitchen smell like rotten eggs. (ok, i really think it's an issue with the disposal...we'll bring it up to the plumber that comes to install our new goodies next week. 
• i am a part of the "circle of excellence" at work. i didn't know what that meant until i went to the luncheon they held for 125 employees that were identified by their managers as high performers. cool, right? thanks for lunch, and the gift card. 
• a few weeks ago was national opthalmic technician week. i had no clue, but one of my doctors brought in breakfast one day, another doctor bought lunch another day, and then i got a really nice card signed by a few of the doctors i work with. let me just say that i really like my doctors. they are rad, and i'm lucky that i get to work with them and learn from them. i guess you could say i'm liking my job right now.
• my brother and sister-in-law and niece just moved to san francisco. break my heart! i'm so excited for them and their new adventure. can't wait to visit!!!
• getting ready to plan a trip to the great state of indiana. face timing with ryan and halie and frank is just not cutting it. 
• christmas this year is just going to be me, mom, dad and matthew. weird, right? i've been talking to my mom about starting a few new traditions this year. weird to think that this is matthews last christmas at home before he leaves on his mission. 
• my twin nephews turned 10 last month. whaaaaattt?? they turned one while i was doing my semester in nauvoo, which basically means next year makes 10 years since i was in nauvoo. i'm getting old...
• i can pull my hair into a pony tail. this is a big deal, peeps. beb has been trying to get me to grow my hair our past my shoulders...which i have never done before in my life. the idea is starting to grow on me. maybe i've even considered extensions. ok, so i would never really do that, but still.

ok, that was a lot of rambling information. i'm going to try to be better with updates. pictures to come. i promise!!