#realtalk

i am a bad dater.

i'm not afraid to admit it. i guess it's better to know that and say it outloud than pretend it "must just be all those weirdos" out there i find myself spending a few hours with here and there. they say the first step is admitting theres an issue....and usually if there is a "first step", then a second step follows, right? i'm assuming the second step is to become a better dater? except i don't really know how to do that.
either it's been really really smart or really really bad that in the past i seem to have dated my friends. friendships turned into relationships? it actually worked...for a while, until it didn't anymore. and before you ask, i have tried online dating before. it didn't end well (like worse than when i dated my friends), so i've kind of decided that i should steer clear of that. i'm not saying i'll never do it again, but for right now its just not my thing.
my most recent problem is i don't know what i want. i have so many people who want to set me up and the first question i get asked is "what are you looking for?" or "what kind of guy do you like?" great question, right? i don't have an answer.
ok, its not like i'm looking for a bum off the streets. to make it simple, i usually tell people at work who ask me:
1- he has to be a boy
2- he has to be single
3- he has to like girls (yes, i have to specify)
4- he has to be mormon
5- please let him already have his education
6- and please don't be a stick in the mud

when it comes to other things? i'm not quite sure. when i look at the people i've dated in the past, they're all different, and i'm trying really hard to never say "he's not my type" or "i would never end up with someone like that"...because without my knowing, maybe they are my type and exactly who i'll end up with.
this makes it a little difficult in my search for mr. right. how do i look when i don't really know what i'm looking for? ok, maybe that's a little extreme, but it's still easy to feel that way sometimes. i find myself meeting people or spending time with people and having a great time, but then coming home and not even knowing how i feel. do i like them? could i like them? and then talking myself out of the idea that they would ever be interested in me, so it's better for me to just leave it alone.

you'd think by 30 i'd have a nice little list of what i'm looking for and what i don't. instead this just confirms that the older i get, the less i know.