i know my last post was just random thoughts, but maybe that's how my mind has been working this week. random thoughts if you hate that, then....sorry. come back later and i'll try to have a real post focussed on one topic. maybe.

what do you do when you pose a thought to your best friend and then ask them what they think, and they opt out of saying anything. i know they have an opinion, they just don't want to share it, which makes me think that my thought was stupid and ludacrous. i'm not bugged or mad at the lack of advice or opinion, i think it just makes my thought more confusing in my head. (did any of that even make sense??)

does distance really make the heart grow fonder? seriously, i'd like to know.

today was a long day. i left my house at 10:30 and didn't get home till 10:30. i just looked at the clock to see what time it was that i got home, and just realized i was gone for 12 hours today. i'm pooped.

i had my closet intervention. i cleaned it out, and just you wait....i'll post pictures of the piles of clothes i had on my bed. i called my sisters to let them know of said pile, and told them that on monday i was opening up the pile to any friends that wanted a peek. don't worry, they drove up later that day and left with 6 bags of clothes. it was kind of a weird thing to sit there on the bed and watch them dig through the pile and try stuff on....but it sure was nice to have it gone. happy new wardrobe to my sisters.

today while the sun shines

• i have seven blogs.
• this blog
• stewart immediate family blog
• stewart family blog
• davis family blog
• sugar shack blog
• secret blog
• secret blog
• today i went to the park city symposium for work. that means i had to be in park city for a meeting that started at 7. that means my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning.
• that also means that when my meeting ended at 11:30 i went to the outlets. (well, i went to the bank first. long story) i am proud to say that everything i bought today was on clearance.
• my brother is getting married. i got an email from the new sister in law with wedding colors. of course i had that in mind when i went shopping (kind of my reason for going...at least that's what i keep telling myself) i'm happy to say i found something. a belt. that's right. the perfect belt in the perfect color. i'm not quite sure how it's all gonna pull together, but i'm still very excited about the belt.
• i'm really glad i don't work at famous footwear. for alot of reasons.
• im' officially going through my closet. with no emotion i am really getting rid of things i don't wear anymore. no more of this "but what if i want to wear that sometime and then i don't have it cause i got rid of it". if i haven't worn it in 6 months, it's a goner. let me know if you're interested in snagging some of what i'm getting rid of.
• i didn't change my facebook status to anything about the byu game last night because i didn't feel like it, but now i feel left out. i did watch the game online, and it was great. i'm sure it was super exciting to actually be at the game. in fact, i know it was because of my sisters blog post. oh to be young again.
• i hate trying on jeans. any other pant, i can grab my size and try them on and be fine. jeans are so different depending on style, cut, long, ankle, skinny, dark...blah, blah, blah. i tried on about 17 differnt styles today in about 6 different sizes and wasn't in love with any of them. please, where do you buy your jeans? (and not pay $1,000 for them??) i'm all about investing a chunk of cash into a pair of pants that fit really well....but where are such pants?
• i woke up at 5:30 today, so i'm taking a nap. boo yah.

dang it.

i never check the weather. never. ever.

so this morning, i checked the weather. miracle. very responsible of me. what did it say?

CLOUDY.

great. i threw on my tennies and a light jacket and headed off to work.

halfway through the morning i looked out the window.

seriously. that is not cloudy.

so, sorry salt lake city. the blizzard hit because i was dumb enough to check the weather. i'll never do it again.

i promise.

flashing, flashing lights

so the other day i sat with a friend and read my blog. the entire thing, and by reading i mean flipping through and looking at pictures. supposedly that's how alot of people read blogs. i learned that i'm not always very good at posting pictures...so here ya go, scottie. picture town...which means i pulled these pictures off of my phone and decided to post them.

i cleaned my bathroom tonight. i love my bathroom, and i will miss that show-pow. (you know, shower power)

 remember how my floors are heated so when i step out of the shower it's onto warm floors? it's true. and yes, that's a cute pictures of my nephews on the counter. and yes, that's another picture behind their picture. maybe i rotate pictures on my counter. maybe you'll never know what the other picture is...

i made this bag. it's not a very good picture, just one i snapped for my mother to show off my hard work on the sewing machine. i was looking for a large tote for my cousin for christmas, and called my mom frustrated because i couldn't find one.

"why don't you just make one?"

of course, mother.

she is a genius. i was very happy with how it turned out.

 this was taken over thanksgiving break. beb and i sharing a dressing room at h&m. looking back, i'm kind of sad i didn't buy that cardigan. i was having one of those days where i thought i had too many cardigans. today i'm having one of those days where i can never have enough cardigans.

beb did buy that cute outfit. and then she wore it for our christmas card picture.

presh.

this, my friends was the first picture ever taken on my new phone. silly, huh? but i like it because i'm with cousin preston who is on a mission right now, and i miss him. cute boy.

oh yeah, and i'm with laura, and i like her too. and cousin lindsey. i think she's wearing my black and white striped hoodie that has convenietly gone missing from my closet. mystery....

and this little gem was taken whilst skyping tonight. never listen to your friend when they tell you to lift up your chin a little bit because they can't see what you are doing with your lips. they are really tricking you to lift your chin up so they can take embrassing photos to use against you. my friends are so nice.



today i mailed a package. was it for you? you wish you were so lucky. i just hope by the time it get's to it's destination, it's not a box/bag of crumbs. at least they would be good crumbs, right?

this weekend i took a quick unexepected trip home for a family funeral. the service was very nice, and it was so good to see so many family members and friends there. i'm very happy i was able to come home and participate.
i talked scott and joey into coming home with me so i didn't have to make the drive by myself. this afternoon we were able to head over to the dam to see the new bridge that's been recently finished. it was pretty spectacular.

lately, but mostly this week, i've had my mind focused on what really matters. an eternal perspective. the real purpose of this life. it's been very humbling as i remember my relationship with my Heavenly Father and His Son, and my goal to return to live with them. today was another time where i was able to feel of their love and remember my value and potential to be with them and family members again.

i hope that these feelings and impressions stay with me and motivate me to continue and work harder. i'm so grateful for wonderful friends and loving family that encourage me to do and by my best as we all face hardships and challenges of this world.

Sometimes things happen that I can't explain. At these times I turn to my knowledge of the gospel to find peace.

Love to the sorensens today.

so hot.

my room is so hot right now. i'm actually awake because it's so hot. i've actually opened a window it's so hot. i know what you're thinking.

beth, go turn down those heated floors of yours.

not that easy i think my room is just hotter than the rest of the house. i step outside of my room and it's normal. inside my room, heat box.

i'm fine to sleep with the window cracked. i do it on a regular basis. except right now, something is melting right outside my window, and with a window well full of leaves, it sounds like water hitting a tarp right outside my window.

i can't decide which is worse. hot beth or rain tarp.

on a different note, i had a great night. fun with a bestie. i'm grateful for good friends. the conversations we're comfortable having about things that are important to us. being able to goof around and be silly. and being able to be in the same house and facebook chat from different rooms.

now thats real friendship.

like mike

i went to a basketball game, and i wore blue. obviuosly not everyone in my party was smart enough to follow suit. byu spanked utah. it was a fun game. and i love these girls, so basically the night was fantastic.

not that you would have thought anything about it, but i thought i would share. notice how my bangs are pinned back? maybe it's because i tried to cut them myself. duuuuuuuuuhhh, beth. how many times can you learn that lesson the hard way? obviuosly, not enough times. i got a little scissor happy, and i should probably have a professional take a peek at them before i venture out into public (read: anywhere other than work, my house or scotts house)
speaking of scotts house, i now have two hair clients. roommate joey is now sporting a new cut thanks to "hair by beth". okay, i came up with that on the fly. my professional hair salon name, not the fact that i gave joey a haircut, which turned out really nice by the way.
maybe thats my problem. cutting the boys hair has tricked me into thinking i know how to cut bangs, leading to the massacre that now drapes across my forehead (and that's nicely put)

for now, "hair by beth" only cuts boys hair. dang it.

things i learned today:

1. byu basketball is better than utah basketball.
2. i can shower and do my hair in less than 30 minutes.
3. vision. pressure. dilate.
4. lockdown is real life.
5. it is still winter, and still bitterly cold.
6. in the bitter cold weather, limbs tend to go slightly numb when walking across fields of snow and ice. do not whack frozen body parts on things, like fences as you hop them.
7. just because you whack your knee hard on the fence does not mean that you get a cool wound...or even a bruise. dang, nothing to show for it.
8. distractions are not always bad. in fact, alot of times they can be really good.
9. not that i just learned this today, but i was reminded that i have good people in my life.
10. "sure" is not an answer. "yes" or "no" is an answer. if i say sure, i'm just agreeing with the statement/question and not really answering. (sorry scott)
11. i give good haircuts. i not only have one client, but two. except they're not really clients, just my friends.
12. even though i'm out of shape, i'm still in shape enough to give a friend a piggy back halfway to the car. uphill. both ways. okay, it was only uphill one way, but i did carry a person up a hill....
13. sometimes it's just good to run into unexpected friends in unexpected places. nice chatting, kyle.

mucho take it easy.

so sometimes things happen that rub me the wrong way. sometimes these things make me freak out. get too emotionally involved. make quick irrational decisions.

i get worked up. and sometimes, being the person to tell me i'm getting worked up over nothing is not the best/most fun job to have. (sorry dad).

don't worry. i'm ok. i've had a second to breathe. i even cried for 3 seconds. and now i'm fine. i'm going to sleep it off. and in the morning, i'm going to realize even more so than i do now that dad was right. there's nothing i can do about it but have a cool head.

tomorrow is a new day.
tomorrow will be great.
80 days from now will be great.
6 days from now will be great.
25 days from now will be great.
5 days from now will be great.

see? i'm feeling better already....

faith

today at church, we learned about faith. nothing new, right? wrong. that's one thing i love about going to church. even though we can be taught the same priciples over and over again, if we go with a spirit of learning, the spirit can teach us something new every time, even if the topic is "same ol' same ol'"

today was on of those days. we learned about faith in the plan that our Heavenly Father has for us. Heavenly Father's plan may not always be the same as our plan, and that's where faith comes in. to be able to set aside, even abandon our plan completely and trust in the Lord. alot easier said than done, right?
Sometimes it's easy for me to think that my plan and the Lords plan are one in the same. it's not like i'm seeking after fame or fortune, or even worldly things. since my desires are righteous desires, then obviously it's what the Lord wants for me. i'm learning thats not completely correct.

we also learned today about having faith in the Lords timing. sometimes it's easy for us to look at this phase of life as just temporary, until we move onto bigger or better things. graduation, marriage, dream job, future family. instead, we should look at this time as preparatory for the next phase of life. enjoy every minute, and make the most of your time. are you really working to become better so when that next phase comes, you are prepared and ready for the new challenges the Lord has for you?

maybe it doesn't quite make complete sense for me to ramble on about it now, but it had a real effect on me today. it's not that i've been down in the dumps lately about where i am in life, or even questioning the Lords plan for me, but i think there are times everyday where i have little doubts in regards to life currently. i think that's where i need to put on the brakes and realize that there is a purpose for every season of life, and make the most of the opportunities i have now to learn and become better.

and that's my sermon for the day.

i'm sick.

officially.

let's be serious. the friends are all out playing rockband. by out, i mean at someone elses house. where am i? on the couch watching say yes to the dress and four weddings.

do i feel bad about it? not really. i'm tired. it's been a long week, dang it.

one of the doctors commented on my raspy voice today. i made a joke, asking him to write me a prescription. he told me to get some sleep. lots of sleep. i'm sure he was just being a smart mouth, but i'm going to pretend that wasn't the case and follow my doctors advice. tomorrow, i'm sleeping. all day.

mumbo jumbo

today was special. and not like close to my heart special, the other kind. i don't know that i have complete thoughts right now, so you get a list. i know, you love them. i understand that not all of these will make sense. sorry charlie.

• i love when people talk to me about my blog. and thanks for pointing out that i have horrible grammar and punctuation (chance). i'm glad you deal with it and love me anyways.
• i don't care whose friend you are or what mountain you climbed or if you're rich. your breath kind of stinks, and you're late....so i'm going to harbor bad feelings about and towards you.
• today i just wanted to come home and take a hot shower...and i did...for 45 minutes. maybe only girls will understand this, but you know when you really want to take a hot shower, but you don't want to do you hair afterwards (so badly don't want to do your hair that it almost makes you forgo hot shower that is calling your name)?? well, that was me tonight. guess what, i'm laying here with my hair up in a towel. will it get done? sure. when will that be? who knows.
• this morning i paid rent. i also included a note with rent letting my landlord know that i would be moving out at the end of my 6 moth lease. that means i have somewhere to live until the end of march. which means i'll be moving again on conference weekend. (yeah right. i will prepare and make sure that does not happen) i think that i gave her notice kind of on impulse...seeing as how i don't really have plans of where i'll be going or living. welllll. it's done now.
• does anyone have any suggestions of where i should live? i'm thinking sugarhouseish. i'm thinking lds roommates. i'm thinking less than what i'm paying now. i'm thinking normal girls. i'm thinking month to month.
• i'm really glad you're on a mission. really glad.
• i work at an eye center. i understand that other ailments going on with your body can affect your vision. under no circumstances does that ever mean i need to see body parts that are normally covered by clothing.  but thanks anyways....i guess.
• i'm so glad i got a 15 minute lunch today. (please note that i raised my eyebrow and just gave the computer a look. just be glad you can't see me right now or you would have gotten a look too)
• speaking of seeing me right now, remember how i have skype now? sometimes i think it's a great idea and other times i think there is no way that anyone should see how i look at certain times of the day. like right now for example. i wish i could give you a visual, but trust me...it's for the best if we don't.
• i had dinner with friends last night. i'm still waiting for sweet linze to post the picture she  took of us so i can post it here. when she posts it on her blog, i will steal it and then talk about how much i like the people in the picture.
• last night i also watched a show on tlc called extreme couponing. i don't know that i have words for it. it was shocking. it was extreme. it was cool.
• i missed the season premiere of biggest loser last night. it was worth it.
• i lost my debit card....and credit card. again. yes, again. they maybe laughed at me at the bank today when i requested new cards. and thats when i realized that i'm not attracted to boys that have longer fingernails than me. thanks eric for being flirtatious and being interested in my job and new years activities and helping me next time. actually, no thanks.
• i just got great news from a friend. in fact, i'm slightly jealous of her news. crap.
• i really just want more friends on skype. ok, i'll admit that i think it's really cool. why has it taken so long for me to catch on to this craze????
• i secretly want to see tangled again. enough that i have considered going by myself.

ok. wow.

i think i need to close my eyes for a bit and give my headache a minute to cool down. and by cool down, i mean go away.

i should have known better....

yesterday was a normal day at work, until the doctor said we needed to prep the minor procedure room for a patient. still kind of normal, right? until the patient had an 8 month old baby that needed tending to during the 30 minute procedure.

this baby was cute, so not a problem. i could stand in the hallway and play with a cute baby for 30 minutes! don't worry, the patient was waiting for a phone call about carpool, so i was given her phone to answer any calls. psssh. like i don't know how to coordinate carpool. piece of cake. remember how mid procedure the doctors cell phone rang and he asked me to answer it? and yes, i spoke to his father about his recent doctors appointment.

just to clarify, now i have a baby and two cell phones. and it's been 45 minutes, not 30. using my baby magic, i rocked that little one to sleep. and then waited another 45 minutes for the doctor to finish the procedure. yes. and hour and a half later i handed that baby over to his mother and relieved myself of two cell phones.

i'm not complaining. it was great. i love babies, and did i mention that this baby was cute? way cute. and very happy. but he was a chunker.

today my arms are killing me. like it hurts to lift them. bad.

i should have known better....

the worst holiday in the world

at least that's what i might have said about new years before yesterday. the older i get, the more i realize it's a "fake" holiday in my mind. like valentines day. a day with ridiculous expectations. what party are you going to? and more importantly, who are you going with? heaven sakes. and then there's the year i chose the wrong party (or so i've been told). i'll never live it down. new years tends to be a little more low key for me these days. getting together with a few close friends to hang out. but guess what. i get together with these friends alot, so it's not like it was a jammin party, or even something that we put alot of effort into. in fact, it was just a post christmas visit where we played with their christmas presents and enjoyed better food that usual. i'm not complaining, just stating the facts. last night was perfect. i chose the right party.  :)

did you know the temple is open on new years eve? it's true, and a few girlfriends and i caught the last session of 2010 in the salt lake city temple. it gave me a totally different perspective on entering the new year. alot of the feelings and realizations i came to are kind of personal, but made me re-think my list of goals for 2011. i usually make a list of goals and peek at it throughout the year. this years list will be different. i feel like it needs to have more depth. ok, maybe this isn't going to make sense unless i sit down and spill my guts about last years list and this years list and how they are different, and i'm not going to do that. so, i guess i should just stop talking about it.

new years day always feels like the day after my birthday. i have it in my head that i'm going to feel different being a year older, or that people will treat me differently or that life will drastically change now that i've reached a certain milestone in life. guess what. today seems alot like yesterday, except for one thing. my attitude. i have an attitude of hope towards 2011.

and i think that will make the world of difference.